Sweet dog on the river

StarBuck

Baby thought he needed a night-night...

Smoke

and then there were two...

Rainbows and dogs

Life seems to leap from challenge to joy to challenge with every heartbeat.

Today was a day made for sitting in the shade in the backyard, watching the babies splash in wading pools and play with the dogs. Tired from the sun and cooking and playing, everyone napped. An enormous and complete rainbow is visible east of our house, right outside the front picture window. Rainbows usually fade quickly, but this one has been there for ten minutes and just keeps getting brighter as the thunder rolls. Still not a drop of rain...

My oldest and best dogfriend, an Akita we call StarBuck, has come to my room as the thunder grows louder. He will be ten years old August 27th, a very old dog as Akitas go. Giant breeds average 8-10 years; it is thus my greatest fortune to be able to touch his tremendous, soft tail with my toes. He has made it through so many rough times to live this long. He only recently developed arthritis and has suffered long from allergies that need to be treated with steroids that were supposed to shorten his life or at least damage his kidneys. He's obviously disproved those theories, so far!

Just about four years ago, around Halloween, because we love "Buck" so much and knew he was aging, we got another Akita pup. Smokey Bear came to our home after I fell in love with his little black face (Buck's is white) from two litters someone bred (yes, I should know better) in their backyard. Too late, we discovered major genetic problems resulting from inbreeding would affect him for the rest of his life. He's gone blind twice and nearly, again just last week. "Smoke" is a sweet, gentle dog who reminds you of the people you might see and think..."he has an ancient soul."

There is no doubt that both of them have been known to me for lifetimes and I am sure will know in lifetimes to come. The two of them have disproven much about traditional thought on Akitas. Reading about the breed, you are told it is not advisable to have more than one dog, but especially not two of the same sex. After a couple of "I'm the top dog...No I'M the top dog" fights, the have settled into a coexistence and can barely stand being separated. Our vet, Dr. J, was so scared of Akitas when we first visited that when he opened the door and saw 100 lb. Buck, backed up and said..."hold your dog, hold his head!" before he would come in to examine him. After nine years in his care, Dr. J now comes in to the exam room with a pocket FULL (if you knew Buck, you'd know why) of dog treats. He and all the vets in our clinic say they've never seen an Akita with such a gentle disposition...until they met Smokey. I only know I am privileged to know them both.

FEAR

Fear is the great denier of good. Quoting great people, you'll find it said over and over again in myriad ways.

When I found out my sister was sick with cancer, my first thought was "We WILL WIN!" Then I felt it...the fear crept over me like a blanket of ice, threatening to freeze me in place. Instinct hit me like a mallet...SHAKE!!! HARD!!! HARDER!!!

The resulting peace and determination to take one step at a time into battle, to gather what weapons I could find and fight, made me realize I truly fear nothing. Not cancer, not pain, and certainly not death. But...

What about the pain and fear of my loved ones?! What can I do to stop it? I can not only chant, Nam Myoho Renge Kyo, but I will teach others. From my own experience, I know without doubt that the results of chanting are incalculable. The truth of it is that I have the most powerful weapon of all.

I am, however, human. I am sometimes weak. Lifetimes ago, when I was young and we saw hurt and rage and faced it hour by hour as siblings, I had no answers. I begged an invisible force for help and there was none. Those memories, embedded in my deepest psychic recesses, haunt my present and are the one obstacle to success. They darken my hope and take my breath away before I realize their power to suffocate me has choked me to silence. I remember.

This is my challenge...to overcome and open every pore, open every door, open every single opportunity to chant and MAKE THIS HAPPEN. Kill cancer. Kill pain. Kill fear.

Summer begins

I love the changing seasons, but I must admit to finding summer the biggest challenge. In 1976, I suffered extreme heatstroke and ever since I can't seem to handle temperatures over 78 unless there's little to no humidity. That means I stay indoors a lot when everyone else is out enjoying the sun. As a means to help ease my woes, I bought a little gazebo so I can sit outside and write or paint or play guitar or entertain my grandchildren in the shade.

I love to garden and watch things grow; to harvest and preserve my own food, making jams and sauces and experimenting with new veggies I pull from my little growing space. The heat of summer forces the tiny seeds out of the comfort of the warm bosom of Mother Earth and into the face of the sun. Even though it is a struggle, they grow and mature, fulfilling the mission of helping to sustain my life. And so it is, I try to appreciate the season that makes it possible.

Even though the heat is sometimes unbearable to me, I relish in the fact that Denny, my spouse, partner and friend, has made a summer home for us in Minnesota. I lay down my anxiety and my worries and go there with an empty slate. I try to keep it that way from the time I arrive to the moment I get in my car to leave. I don't want to do anything on a schedule while I am there...I don't want to think about it. I just want to do. It makes me feel like the luckiest person in the world.

Peaceful dreams...

First Day

The power of the written word should never be underestimated. Communication is an art and a responsibility I take very seriously. Sharing my life without embarrassing anyone or revealing secrets that hurt will take great care and crafting. I want to build a bridge to others with words of love and meaning. It won't always be pretty or nice...it might sometimes be colloquial and quaint and sometimes it will be simple and sweet. But, I hope it will always be interesting!